Post #20: Vietnam- Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon)
Prior to actually coming to Vietnam, my only references to the country were (1) the Vietnam War and (2) Vietnamese Pho. I got a healthy dose of both, but a whole lot more too. Luckily for me, I left Vietnam only 2 days before the aborted summit between Trump and Kim Jong Un.
Vietnam was the only country on my trip requiring a visa, and in an effort to plan early, I’d applied for my visa before my itinerary had been finalized. My visa was approved within a few days, but it listed my port of entry as Hanoi, and not Ho Chi Minh City. I assumed that this minor clerical error likely wouldn’t get me denied at the airport, but I’d seen one person being denied entry to a country based on a technicality (SS) and I wasn’t willing to risk it. Fast forward to 3 days before my flight, and they hadn’t responded to 5 emails and a few contact-us forms from their website, so I got a bit frantic and went overboard with redundancies. Firstly, I applied for a 2nd visa through their website, with the correct port. Second, I went to the Vietnam embassy in Hong Kong and allied for a visa in person. The redundant visas ultimately cost me an extra $85, but I wasn’t in the mood to go sand surfing in Abu Dhabi (inside joke- SS). I ended up with 3 separate visas and zero problems at the airport.
When I was first planning my trip, I was considering between going to Hanoi or to Ho Chi Minh City (colloquially known as Saigon). My research indicated that Saigon was the more modern and fun city, so that was that. I was to be staying at the Sheraton Saigon for this leg of the trip. Ordinarily I’ve found Sheraton properties to be fairly basic, but this Sheraton was beautiful, and they upgraded me to a sweet suite. Per my new SOP, I’ve been claiming that the platinum account holder will be joining me at a later point, but this hotel was really persistent about it. They even slipped a note under my door after midnight, asking for the account holder to check in personally, so I avoided the club room and any area where I’d be grilled about the account holder. I didn’t want to jeopardize his account to get charged cash for this outrageous suite that I got.
I had 2 full days in Saigon, so I decided to spend the first day exploring the city and the second day would be a full-day trip.
I started out at a famous market, trying some of the local food and scoping out all of the street food I could get my hands on. I even bought was is almost certainly a fake Mont Blanc pen.
Afterwards, I ate a bunch of Pho, got a luxurious haircut/shave, planned a date on Tinder for night #2 and hung out by the pool for a bit. I was shocked at the number of Tinder ‘likes’ I was getting. I’m going to claim that it’s because I’m so good looking and that my profile is clever, but in reality, it’s likely due to perceived wealth and the possibility of taking my Cinderella from poverty to the lack of luxury. Regardless, it was flattering and I had the pick of the litter, if you will. Being that I’ve gotten old and I knew that I was going to be out late and up early, I also took a much needed nap.
That night, I decided to hit the top rated restaurant and then go to the ‘party area’ called Bui Vien. The restaurant that I went to was called Anan Saigon, a trendy restaurant with a rooftop bar. I started out with a coconut iced coffee, which was shockingly awesome. For an appetizer I got a brisket bahn mi, and for the main I ordered their Saigon Shaking Beef. It was an amazing meal and special kudos to the awesome bartender who made me several great drinks. He looked like some teenage punk in baggy clothes, but he was truly an artist when it came to my drinks.
Satiated, I headed out to Bui Vien. Bui Vien is a block that is full of bars, clubs and massage parlors that is jam packed with drunken and inebriated tourists, and the businesses and the workers that cater to them. There were several live music acts that were awesome, mostly Filipino bands playing the rock music that I love. Bars were churning out cheap beer, shots and whip-its like they were going out of style. The place was so gridlocked that it was nearly impossible to get around. The hottest bar was called Miss Saigon and it was pretty nuts.
http://bradschon.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/img_1708.movI stopped drinking at around 3am and headed to a roadside Pho joint and it was so damn good.
The following day was my tour day. I booked a tour from 7am-6pm, with stops at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Mekong Delta. The tunnels were pretty much a tour of how the Vietnamese soldiers trapped, maimed and killed US soldiers during the Vietnam war and the Mekong Delta is a group of remote islands and swamps in the southern part of Vietnam. My tour guide was a sweet, tiny Vietnamese girl named Ding, and my tour mates were 4 Japanese tourists with a limited command of English. I found Ding to be endlessly amusing, attempting to bridge the wide language gap and her attempts at humor and entertainment. She gave us a really crude (and probably extremely racist) way to distinguish between people of various backgrounds. There was eye squinting, comments on attractiveness and oral hygiene and everything in between. After every statement that she’s make, she’d let out this cute laugh, which ordinarily I’d just disregard….but she’d also do it after saying things that were horrible. For example, we were at this trap for US soldiers were there was a hidden trap door, and when you fell through it, spikes would impale a soldiers legs and genitals. She laughed after making this explanation, which made me laugh at something that should be truly horrifying. That morning I saw more torture devices than one needs to see in a lifetime.
Towards the end of the tunnels tour I got the chance to shoot a rifle and a machine gun which was pretty cool. Then I got the chance to crawl on my belly through some of the caves designed for tiny Vietnamese people. There was some question as to whether or not I could physically fit, but fit I did. A lot of sweating and panting though.
On the way out, I bought a cone hat for 3 reasons. Firstly, it felt culturally appropriate. Second, it was a hot day and as a bald guy, getting a sunburn on ones scalp sucks big time. Third, Raiden was one of my favorite characters in Mortal Kombat, and it would allow me to mimic shooting lightning bolts at the other tour passengers. They didn’t get it, but I did. That said, many future pictures from this tour will include my Raiden hat. 
The 2nd leg of my tour was to the Mekong Delta. On the way, Ding told us how the locals eat rat meat and that was on the menu for us. Unlike the rats from the NYC subways, these rats were supposed to be disease free and clean. At first I was repulsed at the idea, but then I decided to go out of my comfort zone and man up. It reminded me of Demolition Man from the 90’s when Sly Stallone accidentally ate a rat burger, and after he found out, decided that he liked his rat burger. Alas, Ding had apparently been kidding and I was unable to eat rat, even after attempting to bribe her. Bummer, because it would have been great for the blog. I can only imagine the inevitable comments from master splinter.
So to get to the Mekong Delta, we had to take this rickety-ass boat to an island. The Japanese tourists insisted on wearing life vests while the driver steered the boat with his bare feet.
One we got to the island, I could feel the stares of the locals. They had clearly never seen anything that looks like me. I must have looked like an enormous, white sea creature to them. At first they were cautious and stayed their their distance, but after a little bit they realized that I was a friendly giant and approached me for selfies. While at the delta, I’d say that I’d been approached by no fewer than 10 people to take selfies with Bigfoot. I almost wish that I asked them to share the pics.
While on the Island, we saw a demonstration of how to make coconut candy, sampled some tea with honey from bees, met a 40lb python, took a boat ride and saw a traditional singing group. Most groups that passed us on the boat were taken with my appearance and enjoyed waiving to me and laughing.
The trip was very enjoyable, aside from Ding and her being a rat-meat tease. Here is me and my tour group.
As soon as I got back to my hotel room, I had to shower, change and take a cab to meet my tinder date at a Japanese restaurant. Was a nice time and we’re still in touch as I write this blog 10 days later on a rooftop pool in Singapore. Sorry for slacking.
All in, I really enjoyed Vietnam, aside from the people that forcibly remove and fix your shoes, expecting an oversized tip. Off to Thailand!!!
